You add extra syllables to words. I don’t know why. You just do. It’s not a monkey, it’s a monkey-monk. It’s not a duck, it’s a duck duck. Milk becomes milkie. You get the idea.
You come up with overly cutesy nicknames for your baby that you wouldn’t dare use in public. But how can you help it if your baby just IS the snuffliest snuggliest tickly wickly sweetie pops in the whole entire world?
You talk about yourself in the third person. “Mummy is just washing her hands”, “Mummy is just going to clean the sick off of your ear”, “Mummy’s just asking Dr Google if your poo really should be that colour”…You’ll be sick of the sound of your own voice, you really will.
In the name of entertainment, you will look like a fool. Trying to catch a cry before it starts may mean marching up and down alongside your baby singing ‘The Grand Old Duke of York’ complete with over enunciation and overenthusiastic arm movements.
Nursery rhymes are your new ear worm. Forget the Top 40, you can’t get these things out of your head. You will find yourself humming them, muttering them… or worse, rapping them and rewriting the words in a more adult way. Incy Wincy Spider becomes ‘Monster B*stard Spider’, for example. Just don’t share those lyrics with the rest of your baby group…
You tell lies for reasons you could never have invented. “Oh” someone says, “Is that cradle cap?” “Yes it is, I’ve literally tried everything” you reply, as you surreptitiously brush the rest of your morning croissant flakes from your baby’s head.
—
Tell me I’m not alone in my madness?!
twolittlemisters 
Funny stuff! Entertaining piece of writing!!
LikeLike
There has never been a more spot on post! This is perfect, definitely giving this a share! Ray xx #TwinklyTuesday
LikeLike
Thank you, and thank you so much for sharing! 😀 x
LikeLike
Oh my God the first three ALL THE TIME. I have no idea why I just randomly started calling myself “Mummy” in the third person when I popped out a baby, but it just happened. And apparently babies find personal pronouns difficult, so there you are, it must an innate mechanism that makes us speak in the third person so that they understand us!
LikeLike
Awesome – so we’re just tapping into our babies’ fundamental needs without even realising, score! Not crazy at all. 😀
LikeLike
Lol so true, all of it! Why do we refer to ourselves in the third person?!! xx #twinklytuesday
LikeLike
Ha! Love this, and I have to say I recognise a few things I may, or may not have done (ahem) over the last two years! #TwinklyTuesday
LikeLike
You are most definitely not alone 🙂 #twinklytuesday
LikeLike
haha you are not alone! Zach did have cradle cap but he also had toast crumbs and cake crumbs! Also, I used to do the grand old duke of york over ad over again because it made him hysterical…especially if I was holding him at the same time! Finally, I have referred to myself as mummy for so long now that when someone says my actual name, I tend not to respond straight away! Thanks so much for linking up with #twinklyTuesday
LikeLike
Thank you for hosting! I fully expect to be known as ‘The Twins’ Mum’ in future. Looking forward to them calling me Mummy though 🙂
LikeLike
Brilliant post – love it and am definitely guilty of all of these, especially referring to myself in the third person. I’m so used to keeping up with a running commentary that I find myself doing it sometimes when out shopping on my own – so embarrassing! 🙂
LikeLike
Haha! First sign of madness… What are these children doing to us?! 😄 Thank you for reading!
LikeLike
Yes, I’ve definitely been there. When mine were babies, I also used to find myself involuntarily rocking gently, then realising with horror that I wasn’t actually holding a sleeping baby. I did that in public a few times. I’ve also accidentally used my ‘baby voice’ on grown-ups a few times…
LikeLike
Yes I’ve done the rocking thing too! Definitely scope for volume 2 of the list at a later date, haha.
LikeLike